August 2009
1 post
I want to get a Baby Bjorn instead of a purse.
June 2009
6 posts
My mother’s cat had kittens today.
I find this disgusting.
I stepped in dog poop Saturday night.
It would be hard...
to have your favorite movie be the 1998 Susan Sarandon/Paul Newman/Gene Hackman movie “Twilight”.
May 2009
16 posts
more madatoms →
nedhepburn:
tumblr is like World Of Warcraft for people with feelings.
kate looks like dorothy
Mila: We need to. Take over the world. Is this possible?
me: Anything is possible.
Mila: Okay.
“I don’t even know why I’m alive.”
– Mila Shah, Assistant
You know a woman is your friend when she not only goes with you to buy “shape wear” but then goes into the dressing room with you, pulls it up for you when you can’t get it over your knees, and then tries some on herself to make you feel better about how weird it looks.
Julia Furlan, I salute you.
I didn't mean that..
I didn’t mean what I said about Rihanna. I was just mad she wore that jacket.
Rihanna, I’m sorry.
http://www.madatoms.com/site/blog/cheating-planned-...
Events transpired that made it imperative for me get tested for every STD on the goddamn planet. I quickly made an appointment with the doctor provided to me through my HMO…
Today I saw a UPS man and a Fed Ex man hanging out, calling their buddy to see when he wanted to meet up later.
It reminded me that no matter what our differences, no matter how quickly our company promises to deliver a package, we can all be friends.
Put aside your differences, America. Corporate mail services do.
April 2009
13 posts
this one I'm really proud of. because it hurts... →
Why We're in a Recession
The Internet is what makes work fly by. It’s what makes work fun and tolerable. But it’s also what makes work…not work. And what makes our country…uh …not work. So, yes, while I am technically employed, just like you, neither of us is actually “working.” At this very moment, while you are reading this, I am probably minimizing something on my computer as my boss walks by.
...
idiot.
Alex: what does ftw mean?
me: For the win.
Alex: oh. i thought it meant fuck the what
If you're bored, and feeling sensitive and... →
I have no idea if this is true, but God it's... →
I just posted four things on my Tumblr
and before that I hadn’t posted anything really original in weeks.
I feel like a man that cheats on his wife and then brings her flowers and jewelry.
But since Tumblr is an inanimate object/website, it can’t tell me to go fuck myself and sleep in my girlfriend’s house tonight if I love her so goddamn much. Tumblr just has to take it like a woman with nowhere to go.
I’m...
They found oil in my backyard
Kidding. They didn’t. But that IS the premise of a popular television of the 1960’s. and those hillbilies moved to Beverly Hills!
Which is where I live now. In a house that’s halfway between a mansion and condemned shack.
BUT my zip code is 9021..1.
Thats close to 90210. CLOSE. I can smell the Walshes from here!
Fuck You Forever 21
I spent a good 4 dollars and 50 cents (wouldn’t if be funny if I gave them 50 “scents”?) on this goddamn pair of black leggings and I thought I’d at least be able to wear them twice without them ripping right in the crotch. When will I learn?
I won’t. I’m a sucker for things less than 5 dollars that should cost me $20.
Look
I know he’s an asshole, but will you let me know when it’s okay to listen to Chris Brown again? “No Air” is such a jam!
I don’t see why I should be punished for what he did.
March 2009
7 posts
liar
Alex: There was quite a flurry when then women here found out i was engaged. one fainted
“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or...”
– Oscar Wilde (via simko)
IT'S OFFICIAL
I just realized I don’t like blue cheese.
It has taken a really long time to realize it and yet it just hit me like a lightning bolt: This tastes like shit.
and then I had my entire blue cheese life flash before my eyes. Countless burgers wasted with it’s crumbles, entire buffalo chicken sandwiches dwarfed by it’s chalky invasion, thousands of salads made unhealthy and not...
copycats:
“Vogue” by Rihanna
originally by...
February 2009
16 posts
“Oh well, what doesn’t kill you, makes you worry.”
– Jake Jenkins
I no longer consume sugar.
Let’s see how long I can do this. Seeing as how I have no willpower and I love cupcakes, I give it a week.
KIDDING. I’m going to go one month and reasses with the hopes of making this a permanent change.
I’m going to also do this with red meat.
HERE is where you come in: You’re gonna need to work on your restraint. Because in one month, when you see me you’re gonna...
011aphobia
Is there an official name for having a phobia of dialing international calls?
If so, I have it.
Please Sign This →
“You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness,...”
– Stephen King (via unicornology)
Shit. I have really fucked up this whole “writing” thing.